I have no idea what I'm doing. That is all.

 

Today consisted of:
Two Vicodin to make emotions go away
Three aspirin to make a headache go away
Three ibuprofen later to make the headache go away again
Half a bottle of nyquil in a failed attempt to sleep so as to stop hating being awake for a few hours.

All in all, interesting day.

I’m sick of being angry. I’m tired of getting so sad that I get angry and almost break my hand against a wall. And I’m sick of how that hurts the people around me. I smoke pot because it makes me stop wanting to die and I smoke cigarettes because they make me feel better, but also because part of me is hoping they’ll kill me. But tonight, I decided to get drunk. I needed to get drunk, today I needed that. Today was a very, very specific reminder and I needed to forget. But being drunk alone sucks.

Overthinking ruins you. Ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry and just makes everything much worse that it actually is.

"Every now and then we have choices to make, questions we have to answer. And sometimes, the answers are obvious. The solution to everything is right in front of us, but we can’t stand to believe it so we try everything else that we can first. I’ve tried. I have tried, and I have failed. All that’s left is that answer, the decision I made long ago. It’s all one giant game that I can’t play for very much longer. The only question now is one of time."

C.

In case you haven’t noticed by the fact that I haven’t responded to your messages, I do not want to talk to you. But you clearly check my tumblr regularly, so I’m sure you’ll read this.

Fuck off. You thought you were helping, I get that. But I do not care. You made everything worse. If your goal was to destroy the last remaining bridges I had then bravo, you succeeded. I told you we were not friends anymore, I told you to leave me and the people I care about alone. It doesn’t matter if they don’t care, what matters in the situation is that /I/ care about /them/ and you were to leave them alone. And you didn’t. And THEN, after we were no longer friends, you went after someone I’d only known for just over a month and scared them off too. You make it impossible for me to have friends. Thank you for that, you’re doing /such/ a good job of protecting me.

Here’s the deal. I know how to destroy your life, and you know damn well what I’m talking about. I’m no longer above doing that to you regardless of the consequences. If you contact me or anyone around me again and you may as well have your bags already packed because I promise I will not wait one minute. I’ve never broken a promise to you before, and I’m not about to start.

I can feel every cell in my body and it’s wonderful and my toes are tingling. I also feel like I’m floating and every movement feels amazing and everything I touch is like BAM SENSATIONS ABOUND and it is the best. Plus I’m feeling the ridiculous desire to cuddle someone just to feel the body contact because I would feel the contact in every single cell in my body. I don’t even mean this in a sexual manner it’s just like wow.

My new bowl is not only beautiful but it whistles too plus it gets me high and I love it.

Just downloaded Kik onto my kindle since my phone was stolen.. never used it before, so here’s to learning all the new things

When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.

Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies  (via the-coconut-project)

(Source: rabbitinthemoon)